This Commercial Sucks: Windows 10’s Rapping Teacher

I’m sure Toney Jackson is an excellent teacher in real life, and if he gets through to his students, then that’s great. But damn, this is an annoying commercial. “We call it the remainder, that’s the number that remains”….ughhh.

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This Commercial Sucks: Allergan’s “Eyepowerment” Is Not Empowering

There are commercials that start off pretty well, but then when they get to the advertising aspect (i.e. whatever they’re selling) will make you shout out “that’s bullshit!” This effort from Allergan entitled “Eyepowerment” fits the bill. It starts out with photographs of important women from history, including Rosa Parks, Amelia Earhart, and Frida Kahlo. The photos are accompanied by Kim Carnes’ lovely song “Bette Davis Eyes” (the version in this commercial is sung by Bae West). On screen it says, “Before we had our voice, we had our eyes.” OK. But then, there’s a sudden pivot. We find out it’s a commercial about chronic dry eye. What? A completely confused, misguided and frankly insulting attempt to link feminism to chronic dry eye. Leave it to a pharma company to screw this one up.

This Commercial Sucks: T-Mobile’s Lice

So T-Mobile compares AT&T and Verizon’s fees to little bugs. Fees rhymes with fleas, so there’s something. But ultimately, this is a T-Mobile ad…so now I associate T-Mobile with lice, fleas, and other little bugs. Not a great strategy.

This Commercial Sucks: Microsoft Surface Has A Terrible Song

Make it stop!

This Commercial Sucks: Chili’s $6, $7, And $8 Lunch Combos

Sure the “yum yum dum dum dum, we gon’ have some fun” opening (“Get Up” by Slightly Stirred, in case you were wondering) is annoying as hell. But what really makes this Chili’s lunch combos commercial insufferable is the sheer quantity of times it’s played as YouTube pre-roll. Here is a sampling of the comments on the spot’s YouTube page:

“I hope you realize that repetitive, unskipable ads make people not want your food.”

“yum diddly dum dum dum im gonna grab my gun now (boom)”

“I swear this fucking ad gave me PTSD.”

And so on. Guess I’m not the only one.

 

This Commercial Sucks: Have Spring Break At Colonial Williamsburg and Busch Gardens

I went to Colonial Williamsburg with my parents as a teenager. I’m a big history buff, so I really enjoyed it. But this commercial is just cringeworthy. Not good at all.

This Commercial Sucks: Stupid People Write Stupid Tweets Celebrating McDonald’s Breakfast

McDonald’s introduced all-day breakfast yesterday, which now ends the frantic rush to get there by 10:30. They don’t have McGriddles on all-day breakfast though, so my interest is reduced. But a lot of people are really happy about it, as evidenced by these new commercials featuring ridiculous real tweets (and a few Facebook statuses) from McDonald’s fans read in a deadpan manner. Ads that use real tweets are inevitably terrible, because the tweets always seem to be written by mouth-breathing idiots. Anyone using the term “bae” should get punched in the face. I get what McDonald’s was going for here, but still, I’m not lovin’ it.

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