Miller Lite: The Neon Tiger Wings Fail To Impress A Waitress

Dumbass commercial. First off, the waitress. You’re at a bar, and one guy isn’t drinking because he says he’s the driver. Driver for what? What kind of stupid question is that? The designated driver, you ninny! They’re not in a band! She likes drummers, and they all raise their hand when she asks who the drummer is. Who didn’t see that coming? The waitress (played by Kassia Conway, who’s also in a new McDonald’s ad) is pretty cute though.

Edit: The driver is NASCAR racer Brad Keselowski, who is sponsored by Miller Lite. My NASCAR ignorance shines through.

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Miller Lite’s Punch Top Can Silliness

Miller Lite has introduced a new “Punch Top Can.” Apparently, it allows for a smoother pour, because pouring canned beer has always been a huge ordeal. Seems like another ridiculous gimmick to me. And also, it’s reminiscent of shotgunning.

Despite Their Commercials, Miller Lite Still Isn’t Manly

I’ve spent an embarrassingly large amount of the last 4+ years in bars. In preparing for this post, I suddenly realized that I have never knowingly seen another guy drinking Miller Lite. Bud Light and Coors Light? Yeah. Miller High Life? Uh huh. But not Miller Lite. Perhaps gaining this key demographic is why Miller Lite has the “Man Up” campaign currently running. If beer companies were really honest, they would highlight the main attributes of light beer: it’s dirt cheap and goes down like water so you can drink them all night. But with MADD, those pesky “please drink responsibly” announcements, and maybe even a little social consciousness, these don’t happen. Anyway, on to Miller Lite’s latest:

Ridiculous. The beer cart girl at your local golf course does not look like that. And your friends won’t treat you like a woman for not ordering Miller Lite. In fact, with enough beer in you, you might chase them with your club and show them who’s a man. Though I do confess a certain liking for the snarky bartendresses (I like my women with some sass). But really, the series is just getting old. Man up, Miller Lite. Find a new pitch. This one isn’t working.

Heineken Kicks The Competition In The Can

I’ve always found it bizarre how concerned American beer companies are with the designs of their bottles and cans. You don’t hear much about the quality of the beer, just about the bottles/cans and vague claims of “drinkability”. Heineken cuts right to the chase in this very simple commercial. There’s no gimmicks, just the beer.

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