This Commercial Sucks: Windows 10’s Rapping Teacher

I’m sure Toney Jackson is an excellent teacher in real life, and if he gets through to his students, then that’s great. But damn, this is an annoying commercial. “We call it the remainder, that’s the number that remains”….ughhh.


This Commercial Sucks: Allergan’s “Eyepowerment” Is Not Empowering

There are commercials that start off pretty well, but then when they get to the advertising aspect (i.e. whatever they’re selling) will make you shout out “that’s bullshit!” This effort from Allergan entitled “Eyepowerment” fits the bill. It starts out with photographs of important women from history, including Rosa Parks, Amelia Earhart, and Frida Kahlo. The photos are accompanied by Kim Carnes’ lovely song “Bette Davis Eyes” (the version in this commercial is sung by Bae West). On screen it says, “Before we had our voice, we had our eyes.” OK. But then, there’s a sudden pivot. We find out it’s a commercial about chronic dry eye. What? A completely confused, misguided and frankly insulting attempt to link feminism to chronic dry eye. Leave it to a pharma company to screw this one up.

This Commercial Sucks: T-Mobile’s Lice

So T-Mobile compares AT&T and Verizon’s fees to little bugs. Fees rhymes with fleas, so there’s something. But ultimately, this is a T-Mobile ad…so now I associate T-Mobile with lice, fleas, and other little bugs. Not a great strategy.

This Commercial Sucks: Chili’s $6, $7, And $8 Lunch Combos

Sure the “yum yum dum dum dum, we gon’ have some fun” opening (“Get Up” by Slightly Stirred, in case you were wondering) is annoying as hell. But what really makes this Chili’s lunch combos commercial insufferable is the sheer quantity of times it’s played as YouTube pre-roll. Here is a sampling of the comments on the spot’s YouTube page:

“I hope you realize that repetitive, unskipable ads make people not want your food.”

“yum diddly dum dum dum im gonna grab my gun now (boom)”

“I swear this fucking ad gave me PTSD.”

And so on. Guess I’m not the only one.


This Commercial Sucks: Have Spring Break At Colonial Williamsburg and Busch Gardens

I went to Colonial Williamsburg with my parents as a teenager. I’m a big history buff, so I really enjoyed it. But this commercial is just cringeworthy. Not good at all.

This Commercial Sucks: Stupid People Write Stupid Tweets Celebrating McDonald’s Breakfast

McDonald’s introduced all-day breakfast yesterday, which now ends the frantic rush to get there by 10:30. They don’t have McGriddles on all-day breakfast though, so my interest is reduced. But a lot of people are really happy about it, as evidenced by these new commercials featuring ridiculous real tweets (and a few Facebook statuses) from McDonald’s fans read in a deadpan manner. Ads that use real tweets are inevitably terrible, because the tweets always seem to be written by mouth-breathing idiots. Anyone using the term “bae” should get punched in the face. I get what McDonald’s was going for here, but still, I’m not lovin’ it.

This Commercial Sucks: Truth Tells Young People That Smoking Is A Trap

Cigarette smoking rates among young people in America have declined dramatically in recent years. This goes along with a larger trend showing that tobacco use for all Americans is at the lowest level ever recorded. That’s a good thing. Organizations like Truth have been on the frontline fighting youth smoking for years. I remember their provocative commercials being played endlessly when I was an adolescent. Back then, they went for a more “shock and awe” approach such as a spot piling body bags outside a tobacco company headquarters to represent daily smoking related deaths in the United States. It apparently was quite memorable since I’m recalling it about 15 years later.

However, Truth also has a reputation of being overly heavy-handed. I definitely remember rolling my eyes at many of their ads. They tended to portray tobacco companies as sociopathic organizations. The thing is, young people chose to smoke, and tobacco companies never forced it upon them (as famously lampooned on South Park.) In the last 20 years, tobacco advertising has become almost non-existent, a time period with coincides with the rapid decline in youth smoking. Has the lack of Joe Camel had an effect?

All of this is a lengthy buildup for me to say that the latest commercial from Truth is really terrible. It takes place at a college party when defensive social smokers are confronted with different Internet memes telling them “It’s A Trap!” The actual memes themselves are relatively old and hackneyed. Truth’s point is that social smoking is still smoking. But it’s pretty depressing that the ad seems to think that the best way to reach young people is with overused memes. This strikes me as the work of someone my age, desperately trying to reach “the youth.” But it just comes across as lame. This commercial sucks. Fail!

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