Just For Men Brings The Cheese

Over the years, Just for Men has had some really corny commercials. There’s been a lot of them, but here’s one of the worst offenders.

So here we have a pretty lady knocking on the door of a middle-aged man, asking for some milk. He immediately starts thinking lusty thoughts (“yeah, I’ll give YOU some milk”). He goes to the refrigerator and there’s a beer, but NO MILK! Panic sets in not only about the lack of milk, but also about his age-appropriate hair color (“oh no, I’m kinda grey! That must mean she won’t have sex with me!”). So he goes for the gusto, jumping off his balcony and somehow landing on top of a moving truck. Just for Men is a responsible company though, and there’s a bottom of the screen warning against jumping off your balcony onto a moving truck. Even if it’s for a woman, it just isn’t worth it!

Now if I was the woman, I’d be getting a little concerned at this point (“I’ve been standing here for almost 5 minutes…what is he DOING?”). At the very least, I’d be creeped out and move on. At the worst, I’d be running for my life. But anyway, our wannabe Casanova finally makes it to the store, which just happens to have a ridiculously in-stock supply of Just for Men. He quickly finds his shade and goes to check out when he suddenly realizes HE FORGOT THE MILK! But then our hero gets the milk, somehow gets back into his place undetected, colors his hair, and delivers the crucial dairy product to his potential paramour. She smiles, bites her lip, and I can only assume they go on to eat some Cap’n Crunch and have intercourse for the next 4 hours.

I know fantasy and wish fulfillment plays a big role in advertising, but this is just silly. This commercial could use a Chappelle’s Show-like reality check. Maybe the guy would fail at his daring jump and his bloody corpse would litter the street. Or he could be in such a hurry with his Just for Men and milk that he forgets to pay, and is tackled by LeRoy, the burly security guard. He would be hauled off to jail, and the woman would be left crying in front of the door (“WHY? WHYYYY? All I wanted was some MILK!”). If only.

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About joshw24
30 year old guy. Into sports, pop culture, advertising, and trivia among other things.

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